Society struggles 1: dating

Since  I am not that busy in Barcelona with studying and work as I usually am, I got some time to think. Sometimes I get really annoyed with our society and especially two things: our obsession with appearance and modern day dating.  My generation tries so hard to be special different with the trips we make, interesting internships abroad and places we hang out. We have quite a big ego but we are afraid to express our feelings or take a guess and tell someone we like him or her. Why are we so afraid to be vulnerable?

The question if you are together with someone is a tough one. Lots of calculations and complicated analyses of Whatsapp messages are involved. What to answer when people ask you if are you together? ‘No’, you say. ‘We are just dating’. But what is that supposed to mean? The word dating might be even too strong, I think the right word is ‘just hanging out’.  I am not that much a believer of traditional relationships but I have to say this is confusing for both parties. In the end, it seems like we are always waiting for someone better/nicer/prettier to come along. So if this person doesn’t come along we just stick with the one we are  ‘just hanging out’ with? I wonder what we are afraid of. To make a choice? Why not respect the person and actually focussing on what you have instead of looking around for better.

Another example is that you don’t even have to break up with someone or tell the person you are not interested. No, you simply stop replying on any of your online devices. Why bother being honest or vulnerable when there is an easy option? Thing is you only leave the other person wondering why. Don’t get me wrong, I have done this many times till it happened to me and I actually started to wonder why this person stopped talking to me. I got annoyed with the other person but also with myself because I did it to other people as well. Why don’t we respect each other? The least we can do is give each other an explanation.

Let’s not even mention the rules. The rules, which are unwritten but crucial in our modern dating life. The first struggle is interpreting a text correctly. Is the person happy with you or angry, because there is no smiley or no ‘xx’. You don’t call someone to ask him or her out. No, you send an unclear text stating ‘We should hang out someday’, well when, where? Does the person genuinely want to hang out or is it just to say something polite? You can’t reply too fast because then you are too eager. You can’t reply late because then you are rude.

I think in the end I can conclude that nowadays we are afraid to be vulnerable. You can’t show you like someone. You just don’t. We are always waiting for a better person and people don’t let us know if they like us. I mean, we would only open up to become vulnerable and then get let down, because we were only hanging out, right? We might miss out on an amazing person. We travel the entire world alone, we are tough, we are cool but we are also afraid. What if you get rejected? This won’t hurt your perfectly created online image, but would actually hurt your feelings that are somewhere behind this image and ego.